This week, I find myself in a position I don’t enjoy: My team came up on the losing end of a big game. It’s a reality of sports.
Every time we take the field, there will be a winner and a loser. I’ve been fortunate to enjoy great success with the teams I’ve coached, but losing is part of the deal. And when it happens, it reminds me that nobody is perfect, losing is part of the game, and it’s my job as a coach to turn the negatives into something we learn from and improve upon. Right now, I’m still frustrated by watching my team not play to its ability, and I’m going to let that frustration settle for a bit. It’s not a bad thing to be reminded that we have work to do and we need to develop in order to succeed.
Losing is hard. One of the hardest things to confront as a coach and to teach to athletes is how to go about losing gracefully. We get consumed with frustration, disappointment and anger at the things we think went wrong. We question our decisions and performance, we think through all our mistakes, we consider perceived inequities, and in short, we look for the reasons why we lost so we can find immediate solutions.
It is extremely important at these moments to reflect on your own actions and how the team worked together. Did we make mistakes? Did we play well? What can we do to eliminate errors and better our play? It is pointless to dwell on things you cannot control, so I try to use these moments to focus on elements of my team’s game and performance. We can work to improve, and we can always find ways to raise our game. A loss is a difficult, but good reminder that there is always work to be done.
While there are significant differences between youth athletes all the way up to the pros in learning lessons from a loss, one critical message that coaches must send at every level is that there will be no excuses and no finger pointing. Blaming anybody but yourself for the loss is not fair, and it’s not productive. I”m not saying to be unduly hard on yourself and dwell on what went wrong, but I am saying the only way you use a loss to get better is to consider what didn’t work and to find a way to change it. The only thing you can control and alter is your own performance, so that is where teams need to focus their energy.
The way you deal with losing when you coach kids is remarkably important. Young athletes are so open with their emotions when it comes to their sport. The joy when things go well is unparalleled, and the sadness when things don’t is devastating. I often see coaches and parents of those young players who would literally do anything to win, and I attribute that to them wanting to spare their athletes the heartbreak that comes with losing. We all want success, but we build character and grace in our kids when we thoughtfully and intentionally lead them through their heartbreak. Kids need to internalize the basic tenets of sportsmanship, and it’s a great reminder for parents and coaches to model those critical lessons: Work hard, do your best, be gracious in victory or defeat and never give up.
At any level of play, leading a team through a loss is a tough challenge for coaches. We have to wrestle with our own emotions about the loss and still figure out how to get the team into a position to play better and eliminate mistakes. I have to think carefully about my athletes and find the right words and actions to motivate them to overcome this adversity. And at the professional level, I want them to feel the ugly emotions that come with losing, but to also understand that losing a game truly isn’t the end of the world. We will work together to improve, and we will hopefully find a way to achieve success.
Regardless of age and experience, every team has to be prepared for the fact that losses will come. That is part of the deal every time teams take the field in competition. There will be a winner and a loser, and the best teams will find a way to overcome challenges to win. As difficult as losing may be, it offers important lessons and motivation for athletes.
John Wooden said, “Losing is only temporary and not all encompassing. You must simply study it, learn from it and try hard not to lose the same way again. Then you must have the self control to forget about it.”
So while I don’t enjoy being in this place with my own team, I’m committed to learning from the last game and vigorously preparing for the next game. It’s time to get started. I’ve been reminded that we have work to do.
Every time we take the field, there will be a winner and a loser. I’ve been fortunate to enjoy great success with the teams I’ve coached, but losing is part of the deal. And when it happens, it reminds me that nobody is perfect, losing is part of the game, and it’s my job as a coach to turn the negatives into something we learn from and improve upon. Right now, I’m still frustrated by watching my team not play to its ability, and I’m going to let that frustration settle for a bit. It’s not a bad thing to be reminded that we have work to do and we need to develop in order to succeed.
Losing is hard. One of the hardest things to confront as a coach and to teach to athletes is how to go about losing gracefully. We get consumed with frustration, disappointment and anger at the things we think went wrong. We question our decisions and performance, we think through all our mistakes, we consider perceived inequities, and in short, we look for the reasons why we lost so we can find immediate solutions.
It is extremely important at these moments to reflect on your own actions and how the team worked together. Did we make mistakes? Did we play well? What can we do to eliminate errors and better our play? It is pointless to dwell on things you cannot control, so I try to use these moments to focus on elements of my team’s game and performance. We can work to improve, and we can always find ways to raise our game. A loss is a difficult, but good reminder that there is always work to be done.
While there are significant differences between youth athletes all the way up to the pros in learning lessons from a loss, one critical message that coaches must send at every level is that there will be no excuses and no finger pointing. Blaming anybody but yourself for the loss is not fair, and it’s not productive. I”m not saying to be unduly hard on yourself and dwell on what went wrong, but I am saying the only way you use a loss to get better is to consider what didn’t work and to find a way to change it. The only thing you can control and alter is your own performance, so that is where teams need to focus their energy.
The way you deal with losing when you coach kids is remarkably important. Young athletes are so open with their emotions when it comes to their sport. The joy when things go well is unparalleled, and the sadness when things don’t is devastating. I often see coaches and parents of those young players who would literally do anything to win, and I attribute that to them wanting to spare their athletes the heartbreak that comes with losing. We all want success, but we build character and grace in our kids when we thoughtfully and intentionally lead them through their heartbreak. Kids need to internalize the basic tenets of sportsmanship, and it’s a great reminder for parents and coaches to model those critical lessons: Work hard, do your best, be gracious in victory or defeat and never give up.
At any level of play, leading a team through a loss is a tough challenge for coaches. We have to wrestle with our own emotions about the loss and still figure out how to get the team into a position to play better and eliminate mistakes. I have to think carefully about my athletes and find the right words and actions to motivate them to overcome this adversity. And at the professional level, I want them to feel the ugly emotions that come with losing, but to also understand that losing a game truly isn’t the end of the world. We will work together to improve, and we will hopefully find a way to achieve success.
Regardless of age and experience, every team has to be prepared for the fact that losses will come. That is part of the deal every time teams take the field in competition. There will be a winner and a loser, and the best teams will find a way to overcome challenges to win. As difficult as losing may be, it offers important lessons and motivation for athletes.
John Wooden said, “Losing is only temporary and not all encompassing. You must simply study it, learn from it and try hard not to lose the same way again. Then you must have the self control to forget about it.”
So while I don’t enjoy being in this place with my own team, I’m committed to learning from the last game and vigorously preparing for the next game. It’s time to get started. I’ve been reminded that we have work to do.
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