It Takes a Special Dad to Coach Kids

**This column also appeared in the Argus Leader on June 13, 2016

As Father’s Day approaches, it is a great time to reflect on the unique role that dads play in youth sports. We look to parents to coach their kids in youth sporting leagues, and in football that task often falls to fathers. Coaching your own kids has unique challenges, but it also can have unique benefits for young athletes. Parents are concerned that kids learn the rules of the game, but they also have a powerful opportunity to teach life lessons to the young athletes they encounter.

I was recently following a Junior Football team with several of my athletes, and I noticed the coach would show up excited about practice and working with the team. As practice began, he had a routine but didn’t seem very comfortable with the kids’ instruction. He was uncertain on the style of offense and the rules, and he totally forgot all special teams. At that point, I figured they could be in for a long season.

After watching their first game, the team only gained one yard on offense, and the coach approached me and asked if I would consider giving him some assistance. My response was, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but why do you coach the boys?" He replied, "I get up at 3 a.m. to go to work, and I get off work and go directly to practice. Practice lets me spend time with my son and see him in a climate that he enjoys, and I enjoy being part of something with him and the other boys." That response told me everything I needed to know about this dad being exactly the kind of coach who should be working with our kids.

Coaches, particularly those volunteer dads who step up to coach their child’s team, can bring a wealth of positives to young athletes. They are demonstrating that they value spending time with their child and his/her friends and creating a meaningful experience together. They are taking an active role in making sure kids learn proper technique and rules of the game. They are demonstrating sportsmanship. These parents model how to handle conflict, how to win and lose, and how to be a good teammate in a competitive environment.

Occasionally you will see parents/coaches who accept the role to make sure their own children get more playing time, or they live vicariously through their child’s experience. And all coaches can get too wrapped up in winning and losing, and lose sight of the learning process that is so critical to youth sports. It’s important to keep sight of the most critical aspect of youth sports: to ensure that the kids have fun and enjoy the game.

As parents, whether we coach or not, we need to work together to help achieve that goal for our young athletes. Thank you to the volunteer coaches and parents who work to ensure that our kids have a positive experience. To those dads who are helping to shape our kids’ development through your mutual love of the game, Happy Father’s Day.

An Open Letter to Youth Sports Parents from Their Athlete

**This column also appeared in the Argus Leader on May 31, 2016.

Mom & Dad,

I am really excited for summer and the chance to be with all my friends. I’m looking forward to long days spent at the ballpark and on practice fields. I will be learning new things and making new friends. I hope that this is a fun experience, and I also hope you are proud of me for getting out there and trying.

Please remember that when I’m on the field or in the dugout, the experience is for me and about me. Also please remember that I am going to make mistakes; it is how I learn. I’m trying hard to do all the things I’ve been taught, but I’m still pretty new to the game. When I mess up, trust me, I already know what I did. Yelling about it isn’t going to help. If I want to talk about the mistakes, I will bring it up later. Or just trust that my coach and I have figured out what I need to do to improve.

I hope you see that I am trying to learn the rules of the game, figure out my position and listen to my coach and the officials. When you come into the picture with constant questioning about playing time, extra training, schemes and practice, it is overwhelming to me. It is really awkward when you are continually yelling from the stands about those things. I’m working as hard as I can to learn to be a good teammate and show respect to those around me. It really helps if you show that same respect to my coach and my teammates.

I also hope you see that I am happy and having fun. The finer points of performance are not my focus. I’m working together with my friends so we can play our very best. I’m not worried about outperforming my teammates, landing a spot on an elite team in high school, or getting a college scholarship. I just want to play with my friends and have fun.

One of the things you tell me is that it doesn’t matter whether we win or lose. Help me believe you. I want you to be excited about how I play and contribute to my team, not just be proud of the final score. I love to make a big play too, but as I’m learning the game, I need to know you enjoy watching me no matter what happens.

There will be great days, and there will be rough days. That is sports, and that is life. Please don’t critique my game, criticize my coach’s decisions, or continually point out the differences in playing time between me and my teammates. I would love it if you helped me to set some goals, and then helped me to achieve them. It would be even better if we could spend some time together working toward those goals. I know that now and forever, you will be my biggest fans.

I never say thank you enough, but I really do appreciate the time and energy you devote to me. I will look back on these summer days as some of my favorites because I shared them with you and my friends. Thanks for all that you do to help me be my very best.

Love,
Your child