Parents: Can you #daretochill?

**This column appeared in the Argus Leader on Nov. 9, 2016.

If you have attended any sporting events this fall, you’ve undoubtedly seen parents displaying many qualities you hope young athletes would never emulate. We’ve all seen parents calling opposing teams “cheaters” when penalties are called on them, parents yelling at a coach about play calling, and athletes who heard parents yelling at officials about “missed” calls who then turn around and yell at officials about the same thing.

The environment for school and youth sports can be extremely unpleasant for everyone involved if you have these type of parents in your crowd. How do you get them to consider their behavior? The Positive Coaching Alliance started a new initiative this fall called #daretochill, and it emphasizes some critical points for parents.

As playoffs are in full swing and seasons wind down with high-stakes games, there is a sense of heightened pressure in the crowd right now. Those parents who were grumbling earlier in the season are now emboldened to shout their negative comments at players, coaches, officials and even other parents. The entire environment is stressful for young athletes, but it can become really unbearable as parents who really want their child to experience the thrill of winning big games go about “encouraging” their kids in all the wrong ways. The #daretochill initiative encourages parents to simply chill out and remember the reasons why they are there in the first place. 

Reminding parents to #daretochill seems simple enough, but there are multiple issues at play, so if you are one of those parents yelling from the stands, take a few moments to think things through. We can all display some of these undesirable qualities if we aren’t careful.

My best advice to parents is to check your expectations. All parents want what is best for their kids, but sometimes we lose sight of how we are actually affecting those around us. Our job as parents is to be our child’s biggest fan. There is enough pressure around and within them, they don’t need the additional pressure of extreme parental expectations. Especially at games and practices, your job is to encourage and support, never to coach or criticize. If you can’t step into the supportive role and instead insist on hounding your child, the coach, or officials, you will end up making the entire experience miserable for everyone involved. The end result of a zero fun experience is that 70 percent of kids drop out of sports completely by the age of 13. Don’t lead your child down that path. Check your expectations and embrace your role as your child’s greatest fan.

My other caution is to beware the power of the group. Sometimes parents who would never dream of challenging the official or chastising a child will get caught up in the momentum of some unfortunate choices by other parents. The group mentality becomes a negative force to be reckoned with, and it can completely destroy an event that was designed to instill confidence and enjoyment for athletes. We all can take a moment and #daretochill as part of that group, and parents who lead the charge for cooler heads to prevail will ultimately be much appreciated, especially by the athletes.

As you are attending those playoff games and cheering on your athletes, take a few minutes and remember what a great opportunity exists for athletes to be part of a team and a sport. We all want the best experience for our child, and we have a real opportunity to contribute to the way our kids’ feel about themselves and their experience. If we want them to love it, have fun and do their best, then it won’t hurt us to #daretochill and let them play.

Remember that at the end of the season, peaceful parents, content kids and your love for a sport and a team are some pretty great things to take home.

An Open Letter to Youth Sports Parents from Their Athlete

**This column also appeared in the Argus Leader on May 31, 2016.

Mom & Dad,

I am really excited for summer and the chance to be with all my friends. I’m looking forward to long days spent at the ballpark and on practice fields. I will be learning new things and making new friends. I hope that this is a fun experience, and I also hope you are proud of me for getting out there and trying.

Please remember that when I’m on the field or in the dugout, the experience is for me and about me. Also please remember that I am going to make mistakes; it is how I learn. I’m trying hard to do all the things I’ve been taught, but I’m still pretty new to the game. When I mess up, trust me, I already know what I did. Yelling about it isn’t going to help. If I want to talk about the mistakes, I will bring it up later. Or just trust that my coach and I have figured out what I need to do to improve.

I hope you see that I am trying to learn the rules of the game, figure out my position and listen to my coach and the officials. When you come into the picture with constant questioning about playing time, extra training, schemes and practice, it is overwhelming to me. It is really awkward when you are continually yelling from the stands about those things. I’m working as hard as I can to learn to be a good teammate and show respect to those around me. It really helps if you show that same respect to my coach and my teammates.

I also hope you see that I am happy and having fun. The finer points of performance are not my focus. I’m working together with my friends so we can play our very best. I’m not worried about outperforming my teammates, landing a spot on an elite team in high school, or getting a college scholarship. I just want to play with my friends and have fun.

One of the things you tell me is that it doesn’t matter whether we win or lose. Help me believe you. I want you to be excited about how I play and contribute to my team, not just be proud of the final score. I love to make a big play too, but as I’m learning the game, I need to know you enjoy watching me no matter what happens.

There will be great days, and there will be rough days. That is sports, and that is life. Please don’t critique my game, criticize my coach’s decisions, or continually point out the differences in playing time between me and my teammates. I would love it if you helped me to set some goals, and then helped me to achieve them. It would be even better if we could spend some time together working toward those goals. I know that now and forever, you will be my biggest fans.

I never say thank you enough, but I really do appreciate the time and energy you devote to me. I will look back on these summer days as some of my favorites because I shared them with you and my friends. Thanks for all that you do to help me be my very best.

Love,
Your child

Five tips for Sports Parents

**This column also appeared in the Argus Leader on March 15, 2016.

John Wooden once said, “Sports do not build character, they reveal it.” There is no aspect of sports where that truth is more evident than with sports parents.

We have all been present at sporting events where parents created a miserable experience for everyone involved, and the presence of those vocal few profoundly affects the experience for the majority of parents who are doing it right. In my years of working with parents of young athletes, these are the messages I try to reinforce to avoid being “that parent”:

1. Learning to lose is as important as learning to win. Parents often struggle with their kids losing, not because of the win-loss record, but because they hate seeing the disappointment their kids go through. It is so important that parents set goals outside of winning and losing with kids. Focus on aspects of performance, team goals and meaningful ways to celebrate improvement. It is OK for kids to figure out they don’t like losing, but parents need to help them learn to win and lose with respect for opponents, officials and the sport.

2. Adversity is part of the sport. Athletes at all levels will struggle, but kids don’t always have the emotional or physical resources to face their challenges. Parents need to help young athletes understand that struggles are part of learning how to improve and contribute to a team. Some days kids play well, some days they don’t. Some days they get lots of playing time, some days they don’t. Whatever the situation which is frustrating to a young athlete, parents need to find ways to empower their child to face the challenges. Parents can’t face it for them, and ultimately, kids learn about sports and life by encountering challenges with a solid support system.

3. Doing too much, too soon is not good for young athletes. We live in a time where there are tons of costly, flashy options available for young football players, and parents think their athletes need national exposure from birth in order to get their kids playing time and college scholarships. What exactly is the benefit for 7-year-olds from playing an expensive and over-hyped flag tourney in Puerto Rico? For the most part, these programs are a terrible addition to youth football. They are expensive, they mimic college and professional football with a heavy emphasis on winning, they set kids up for injury and burnout and they are unnecessary. It is better for young athletes to develop their athleticism and confidence, and to learn football fundamentals than to compete in a national Super Bowl-type atmosphere. Choose carefully the environment where your kids learn sports and sportsmanship.

4. Maintain perspective, and keep expectations in check. One of the hardest things for parents to deal with is the changes that kids go through as they grow. Their son or daughter dominated in fourth grade, but they do not know what is wrong with them now in eighth grade. Are they not trying as hard? Or practicing as hard? And how do we fix that? If you have watched your child’s peers grow and change, you know that physical development greatly affects performance, and it is different for every single child. Parents need to remember that performance and ability will vary widely in youth sports so focus on learning solid fundamentals. Helping kids focus on their own improvements and contributing to the team maintains a healthy perspective.

5. Keep it fun. Parents who berate their child, coaches, officials and other parents take the fun out of the sport for everyone involved. Parents who push too hard and project unrealistic expectations create harmful consequences for their child. Remember, the worst part for kids in youth sports is usually the ride home after the game. Encourage, support and be enthusiastic. When athletes start to lose excitement for the sport, then it usually time to move on to the next sport.

Youth sports should provide athletes and families a rich environment to learn and grow together. Parents must be mindful that the example of sportsmanship they set for their young athletes will carry over in powerful ways. Be an advocate for your athlete, but keep it positive and in perspective.

Building Your Team

**This column appeared in the Argus Leader on Sept. 14, 2015.

The season is well underway, and athletes are experiencing the grind of practices and games and the highs and lows of being part of a team. Developing a team first mentality is a challenge for young athletes, and it can be difficult for them to manage their inability to control things like playing time, play calling or ultimately winning or losing.

Teams need to work together and find their stride, and individual athletes contribute to the team mindset. I often talk about football being the greatest team sport, and at this point in the season, it is important to focus on the things you can still do to improve your team.

Helping with team chemistry. Team chemistry is the number one factor that I look for with all the teams that I have coached. Teams with tremendous talent that lack team chemistry become a very average team. Teams with average talent that have great team chemistry become excellent teams. A team with great chemistry finds ways to be encouraging, accepting and challenging to its individual members. That dynamic causes individuals to step up, and the team becomes stronger as a result. You can help build chemistry on your team by encouraging your teammates and coaches, accepting your role on the team and continuing to challenge yourself and your teammates every day.

Getting adequate diet, sleep and nutrition. Many young athletes never even factor in a diet plan or what is nutritional for them. Sleep is often neglected in this day and age of social media, and athletes don’t get enough rest because they are constantly connected to their social environment. If an athlete is truly going to be committed to his team, he must realize that the commitment is not only at practice or games, but all week long.

Your team needs to know that they can rely on you to get through the week, and you are doing everything you can to mentally and physically prepare your body for the season. Athletes should be getting at least nine hours of sleep, constantly drinking water,and continually monitoring what they are putting in their body and brain. You need to take care of yourself as an individual athlete in order to give your best contribution and performance as part of your team.

Finding a balance between school and sport. While young athletes don’t always have a mindset about the importance of school, they need to focus on being student athletes. We want kids to be involved in sports for a number of reasons, but they need to keep perspective about the odds of them eventually making a career out of sports. Remind your athletes that football is an extracurricular activity, and the reason they have this activity is because school provides this for them.

They will not be able to play high school or college football unless they have good grades and remain eligible. Sometimes athletes lose perspective because of the amount of time that is committed to practice, film and game prep, so some reminders from coaches and parents can definitely help. You should always take care of academics first.

As parents and coaches, we can help athletes avoid complacency in these areas and continue to improve physically and mentally every day. The best contribution athletes can make at this stage of the season is to focus on the things they can control and help raise their team’s performance. Athletes will learn a great deal about themselves and about the game if they learn what it means to do their part for something bigger than themselves. Your collective effort will make a successful team, win or lose.

Things to Avoid as a Sports Parent

**This column also appeared in the Argus Leader on July 6, 2015.

Summer is the height of youth sports season with many families hitting the ballparks and fields to watch their favorite young athletes play.  We've all been at a youth sporting event where an overzealous parent made things difficult for other families or their own athlete. In an effort to avoid those moments, it is a good time to remind parents of some critical things to avoid as a sports parent:



Never Criticize.
As the biggest supporters of our young athletes, we all have answers and input to make the team better. It is extremely important that parents never criticize and critique the coach, officials, or teammates in front of young athletes. Criticizing can become contagious. Athletes see criticizing as an outlet for failure and respond by criticizing teammates, officials, and coaches. Young athletes need to learn that things will occur outside of their control, and they need to accept it and move on.

Never Bribe.
We want to help motivate our young athletes, and giving incentives or bribes seems like such an easy strategy. Using flashy uniforms or extrinsic secondary rewards to encourage kids to play and work hard can really come back to work against those well-meaning parents. Athletes will begin to only work for those incentives and develop unrealistic expectations of flashy and expensive gear for minimal performance. Any coach will tell you, the best motivation comes from within your athlete, so resist the temptation to motivate extrinsically.

Never question a coach at practice or in front of the kids.
There is a line here that parents need to respect. Asking questions of your coach is fine, and should be expected in all sports. It's choosing the wrong time and place for those questions that can cause
problems. Questioning a coach in front of the athletes at practice creates an atmosphere that quickly takes away respect for the coach, parent, and athlete. People view confrontation and instantly take
sides, and that will seriously undermine your team environment. Always remember to take time to reflect, and then if you still have questions, reach out to the coach at the appropriate time and place.

Never "coach" after the game.
I have frequently written about an eye opening article about the worst part of youth athletics: The car ride home. Parents try to be sensitive since they don't want to be "that parent" who will coach
from the sideline. Instead, they wait until they get into the car and begin giving what they believe is "superior guidance" to their young athletes. Kids want to enjoy and talk about the fun things from the
game. They want to hear that you loved watching them play, and you are proud of their efforts. They see their coach as the person who should be giving that "superior guidance," and mom or dad should be giving support. They need to know that you are their biggest fan, no matter what, so don't lose perspective on their needs.

Never teach them that winning is the most important thing.

In youth sports, parents who are focused exclusively on wins and losses can create an environment that takes away from FUN and equals FRUSTRATION. When parents get wrapped up in wins and losses, kids start to feel unbelievable pressure that causes frustration and can lead to displeasure with the sport altogether. Set realistic goals with your young athletes that are about individual performance and seeing improvement in themselves and their team, then be sure to help them work toward those goals. They learn far more about work ethic and long-term rewards from that approach than they do from watching the scoreboard.

It is difficult to always get it right as parents, so even when we fall short on these it is important to keep trying to do our best as role models and leaders for our kids. After all of these cautions and “nevers,” perhaps the most important of all is to never forget how important you are in your young athlete’s eyes...and never forget to enjoy their efforts and your time together

Flag or Tackle? Making the Choice

As a long time coach, parents often ask me questions about their child’s development. One of those recurring questions is whether or not a child is ready to move from flag football to tackle football. The safety of the sport has grabbed a lot of headlines lately, so I understand concerned parents who are hesitant to make the move from flag to tackle or are reluctant to try football at all. There are advantages to playing at both levels, and it is important that families make the decision with good background information.

What are the benefits of flag football?

1. There is no risk of being tackled, having to block, or encountering extremely physical play. Athletes can work their basic skill development on every play and have more opportunities catching and throwing the ball.
2. The flag environment is very controlled with tighter rules and coaches on the field.
3. Athletes establish confidence in game fundamentals and on-field skills that can carry over to tackle football.
4. Flag is the best place to begin the process of Heads Up Football training. There is no substitute for learning proper fundamentals!
5. Athletes can easily transfer the fundamentals they learn in practice onto the game field. Kids can run plays and routes, and practice concepts that are more difficult to reinforce in youth tackle football.

What are the advantages to tackle football?

1. Playing tackle football is a great team sport where teammates rely on each other during every single play.
2. OLine and DLine players have an opportunity to work fundamentals and succeed at the positions suited for them.
3. In a positive environment with good coaching, young athletes can establish confidence that carries over to things on and off the field.
4. Transitioning through established programs promotes proper skill development. SDJRFB does an excellent job helping develop young athletes to successfully transition into middle school and high school football.
5. There has been tremendous effort through Heads Up Football to improve the safety of tackle football and increase concussion awareness for youth players. Learning proper fundamentals is proving to be key to improving safety for kids.

Most young athletes will play flag football in their early years in the sport, and at some point, they will look at transitioning to tackle. When parents ask me if their child is ready, these are the things I ask them:

1. Does your child ever physically shy away from contact on the field?
2. When you see a group of athletes participating in an event, do you feel that your child is at all behind the other kids in coordination, motor development, or processing the movements needed to compete?
3. Do you think your child needs continued focus on game fundamentals and skill development?

If you answered any of these with "yes," then you should consider staying with flag. 

There are definite advantages to both flag and tackle, depending on the skill level of the athlete and the comfort level of his/her parents. Be sure to talk to your coaches and get informed opinions about what is best for your child! It isn’t just a question of age and equipment, it is a question of development and readiness, so consult with people who are familiar with your child’s abilities. We will see a lot of elementary-aged athletes this summer at the Fieldhouse, so don’t hesitate to ask our staff if you have questions about your child’s readiness for flag or tackle.

Whether parents choose flag or tackle, they should know their child will be gaining valuable skills that will have lasting benefits on and off the field. Have fun, and enjoy the game!

Tips for Sports Parenting Success

*This column also appeared in the Argus Leader on August 18, 2014.

Photo-Joe Ahlquist Argus Leader

It's hard to believe another football season is upon us, but teams are already well into their practice schedules for the fall. We all want to be great parents, so it is good to reflect on the qualities we display that will help young athletes. These are some thoughts to help parents as the season gets into full swing.

• Embrace your role: You are the number one fan for your child and team – you are not the coach. Let the coaches do their job, and don't coach your kids when they get to the car.

Be mindful of your words and tone. Remember it is your job to help your child grow in skills and confidence with his team and coach. You don't need to correct things the child or team did after games and practices. Kids have magnified every mistake and are already processing it.

Make sure you convey positive, constructive thoughts.

• Support good off field habits: Things like getting enough sleep, good nutrition, school performance, and scheduling downtime are critical for young athletes.

All kids should be getting at least nine hours of sleep, and Pop Tarts are not the ideal breakfast for every morning. Try to encourage healthy food choices and well-balanced meals.

Finding downtime is important so kids can do homework and recharge. As the football season starts, a time balance is critical, but it can be very difficult to create. Pay extra attention to cues from your athlete that they need more sleep or a break from the intensity of the season. These are simple things for parents to monitor, and they make a huge difference for athletes.

• Help kids with confidence and skills: We all want our athletes to be stronger, smarter and safer players. The traditional season doesn't allow for much individual coaching or for the opportunity for teams to function outside regular practice.

If your athlete or team is interested, take advantage of training or tournament opportunities. Not every child or team will want to do this – and if they don't, that's fine. But sometimes a little focused attention on confident tackling or running reps can do wonders for confidence, and that can result in a really great season.

Don't be afraid to take advantage of opportunities that are available for young athletes. As long as it is fun and not too grueling for the schedule, it can really be a benefit.

• Be a positive force: Teams have different kinds of energy, and that energy comes from the attitude of all its members. (Athletes, coaches, and parents.) Let coaches and players create an energy, and then rally around that energy. Don't be the parent who brings antics or negativity to practices or games. Find the positive in your team. If there is a problem, approach it constructively with direct communication.

• Keep healthy perspective for you and your child: Young athletes' primary goals should be to learn the game, become part of a team, and to have fun in the process. It is not the Super Bowl or a National Championship. It is about physical and mental development for our kids. Don't lose sight of the bigger picture.

Best of luck to athletes, coaches and parents with the upcoming season.

Make it a Winning Summer with Young Athletes

**This column also appeared in the Argus Leader on April 27, 2014.

Warm weather is finally here, and everyone seems ready to jump into summer activities. Many families will spend time at ball parks and practice fields cheering on their favorite young athletes over the coming months. I look forward to many rewarding interactions with parents who bring their kids to camps, clinics, and tournaments. But I dread the situations that will unfold around me where there is tremendous conflict between parents and athletes or coaches, and the parent is behaving badly. What should be an enjoyable experience for kids can turn into a nightmare for everyone, and make for a very long summer. If parents can keep these things in mind, summer sports can be a win-win experience.

Focus on success, not winning.
One of the things I really hate to see is kids who believe success is only defined by winning a championship. I watch these young athletes have great performances and great seasons, but they don't think those things mattered at all unless they win the big game. They become incredibly dejected if they lose, and that defeats the entire purpose of youth sports. Parents need to help kids set individual and team goals that focus on performance and enjoyment of the process, not just the final score. Did they try a new scheme? Play at a different position? Did everyone get a chance to make a play? Reality is that kids are going to play a lot of games, and they aren't going to win them all. That doesn’t have to be an awful experience if parents remember to reinforce their pride in the child's effort and performance. Watch them play, share their joy at learning and trying, and applaud their part in the process no matter who walks away with a trophy.

Make motivation fun.

Nothing is more difficult for motivated parents than for them to perceive their young athlete is losing focus and motivation. This is a common area of disagreement for athletes and their parents! For young athletes motivation should mean FUN. If athletes are not having a good time, then they lose interest in participation very quickly. Parents need to remember that kids are kids. They will not be performance driven like an adult, and they will be sporadically uninterested and unmotivated. Expect it, embrace it without conflict, and provide your athlete the opportunity and support to renew his energy for the game. If the sport becomes a topic where there is ongoing conflict with parents, you will do more damage by forcing the issue. Keep it fun for kids, and they will find the motivation to stay involved.

Talk about goals, not the score.

In a long summer of sports, I think parents should help kids set realistic but challenging goals to improve performance. This could be as simple as becoming a better dribbler, practicing a new play and executing it in the game, completing one more pass than the last game, shooting 100 free throws a week together, or displaying good sportsmanship. Help them select whatever small details they think can make them grow as an athlete and keep them interested in the sport. None of those goals should involve winning games. They should be focused on individual and team performance. It's an an entirely different and constructive conversation between parents and athletes when they are both focused on those personal goals and work together for the young athlete to reach them.

Find a healthy balance.

Balance is so important for kids. When our kids love sports, how often do we try to find a balance with things outside of sports? Without that balance, sometimes our kids become so invested in the sport that they lose sight of everything else. And we do the same as parents. Make sure your kids take the time to be outdoors, hang out with friends, and not focus exclusively on competition and their sport. So many families go from football to wrestling/basketball, and then baseball season, they never have a chance to enjoy down time at the lake and a break from the grind of youth sports. If at some point, the child starts to lose interest in the sport, then what is next? We need to help our kids find a sense of balance with their activities and unstructured time.

Embrace the process, mistakes and all.

One of the things I have learned from working with young athletes is that there is nobody harder on a child's performance than the child himself. Kids who make mistakes will replay them and beat themselves up on it forever. Parents often don't realize that they need to help their kids move past those moments. They will "coach" their kids and unintentionally reinforce the child's view that his mistake was huge and means he is a failure. As a parent, you need to be the great encourager. Trust that your coach will help the kids through mistakes and help them work to improve, but as a parent, you need to keep your athlete confident and feeling good about his effort and performance. Let the coach do his/her job, and let your kids make mistakes and learn from the process. Parents know that they love and support their athletes NO MATTER WHAT. Make sure you communicate that fact to your young athlete in ways that they can understand.

Summer should be a time for families to enjoy shared activities and grow together. By taking the focus off the scoreboard and putting it on our athletes and their small successes, hopefully parents and kids can enjoy the summer just a little bit more. Together.

To the Kid in Right Field...

**This column also appeared in the Argus Leader on March 31, 2014.

Dear Right Fielder,

I've watched you play since your T-ball days with my son, and in case nobody else has told you lately, you are awesome. During these long baseball seasons, I enjoy watching you scamper out to the same spot and try your hardest to focus on the game while swatting at bugs and pulling the occasional weed. You sprint to your spot every time, hoping to impress your coach and get a shot at playing in the infield next inning. Your coach doesn’t always notice you putting in that little extra, but don’t ever let up with your efforts, no matter what happens!

I love watching your enthusiasm at the end of each inning when you sprint back to your buddies in the dugout to share the excitement of getting up to bat. You get disheartened sometimes when you strike out or things don’t go well for the team, but it is great to see you work with your teammates to overcome your challenges and get excited about the next opportunity. One of the things you will learn much later in life is that it’s hard to remember if you won or lost these games, but you will always remember being part of something special with your friends.

Finally! A fly ball comes your way, and I hold my breath in anticipation of your nerves and excitement. I love cheering you on when you catch a fly ball to end the inning, and your “I did it!” dash back to the dugout to celebrate with your team! But you should know that I’m cheering for you when you miss those fly balls too. I want you to keep playing your heart out because it’s clear just how much you love being on the field. It might not feel like it if you drop a ball, but in the end, your passion for the game is much more important than whether you make every catch.

It is great to see how proud you are in your team uniform. Never mind that your jersey is twice as big as you, it’s the number of your favorite player, and that makes it a perfect fit. The dirt and grass stains you take home are badges of honor for your very best efforts. I can’t see your heart on your sleeve, but I know it’s there because I watch you ride the waves of emotion that come with giving it your all in a sport that you love. You are learning that winning and losing are part of the game, and even though it is difficult, it is rewarding to see you do both with pride and respect.

I know that sometimes in the middle of crazy games and screaming fans, it isn’t easy to feel that you made any difference in the outcome. I hope you listen to your coach when he says every chance your team gets to play baseball is another chance to have fun, improve and come together as a team. Being part of the team helps you see that when every person works together for something bigger than one person’s performance, some really amazing things can happen. Whether you are hitting a home run or catching a fly ball, don’t ever question that your contribution makes a difference. We are all better when we work together.

There will be challenges ahead as an athlete, but remember, the most important thing you can do is keep playing the game. Don’t ever let anything stand in your way of being part of the team and part of the experience. Take pride in your involvement, and stick with it a little extra on those days you feel like quitting. You will never regret trying a little harder or playing just one more game.

When chances come your way, I really hope they turn into home runs and the shot at playing infield. But if they don’t, remember that your efforts and passion for the game have not gone unnoticed. The dedication, effort, and teamwork you are experiencing now will never leave you, and they will make you better at everything you do in your life.

Love the sport you play, and play the sport you love. And keep being awesome.

Sincerely,

A Fan

We all enjoy watching our kids in the sports spotlight. We cheer for them to make the winning basket, hit a home run, set a race record, or get a first down. It is important to remember that many young athletes put in endless hours of practice without necessarily having the opportunity to be the star. Those athletes are the unsung heroes of youth sports, and it’s important to recognize their talents and commitment. Be sure to offer your support to those athletes when you have a chance!

What Makes a Great Youth Sports Coach?

 If you ever participated in sports, I hope you can think back and remember a great coach...someone who believed in you and helped you be your best, even under difficult circumstances. Coaches have the power to make or break the entire sporting experience for young athletes, so it’s important to find and recognize what makes a great coach. I have attended my fair share of youth sporting events over the years, and I have been impressed with the quality and commitment demonstrated by volunteer coaches working with all ages of athletes. In my experience, these are the “winning qualities” I think parents should look for in their coaches:

1. Winning is great, but it isn’t why you are there. It is very easy to get absorbed in winning games and tournaments with youth sports teams. We all want our kids to succeed and be part of a winning program, but as coaches we have to keep perspective on what is important and teach kids to win and lose gracefully. A coach’s primary job has to be keeping things positive for every member of the team, and that means giving every athlete the chance to contribute on the field. No matter what the score is or how much time is left.

Winning a 4th grade game or tournament is really not going to be the deciding factor in these young athletes’ futures, but whether they enjoy themselves and feel like a valued member of the team will definitely dictate whether kids continue to participate. In youth sports, keeping kids involved and having fun is really what counts as a “win”. Coaches need to invest in each child's potential and help them see how they can contribute to the team. Creating this atmosphere will help with team building and individual confidence, Coaches who understand the importance of building up kids, instilling skills and confidence, and strengthening their team are the ones you want working with your young athletes!.

2. Developing skills and developing a person go hand in hand. Young athletes are there to learn the fundamentals of a sport, and coaches need to help them develop their athletic ability through practice and repetition, but there is so much more opportunity for development in youth sports. We fully expect our kids to learn the rules of the game, fundamental skills, and safe technique, but coaches also can help kids learn to respect officials, opponents, and the game itself. Coaches are in an awesome position to help athletes develop respect, learn to play fairly, and practice solid sportsmanship. Gracious winners on the field can translate those skills to all areas of their lives, and the power of that development message should come through loud and clear from coaches. 

3. Patience and process...process and patience. Working with young athletes is definitely about process, and If a coach cannot be patient and enjoy the ups and downs and the process of individual and team development, then youth sports is not the place for them. Kids all have different learning styles, different motivational responses and different ability levels. These are all things that can easily "test" a coach's patience. A coach has to be able to take a step back and remember the process is extremely important to meeting the goal of youth athletics. Working with those individual athletes to develop their strengths and help them find their path to contributing to the team can be a slow and daunting process. The best coaches have tremendous patience and a strong desire to see the process through to develop their team. Those coaches find tremendous reward in the milestones their athletes reach and in seeing their team get better over time.

4. You need enthusiasm for a sport and for working with kids. Enthusiasm is a something that all coaches need to help motivate and inspire young kids to reach their potential. Many coaches are enthusiastic about games and about competing, but that enthusiasm becomes an especially effective tool when kids feel their coach is enthusiastic about their performance and involvement. Have you ever been around a teacher that didn’t seem to really like kids? The same thing happens with coaches, so it’s important to find a coach who loves the sport, but who also loves teaching fundamentals and working with children. Their love of the game is enhanced by their young proteges’ understanding and skill development. When you find a coach who is enthusiastic about the game itself and teaching a group of second graders to love it too, that is a great quality!

5. Communication is key. Great youth coaches need to be solid communicators. They have to be able to communicate with athletes during practice and games, and they need to communicate well with parents. Many team issues arise in youth sports because of poor communication, so the coach that understands his/her responsibility to communicate rules and decisions to the athletes and to their parents is a coach you want to keep. People tend to fill in with misinformation and negatives if they aren’t provided adequate information and details. Coaches who keep communication open and keep the messages positive are really excellent for youth sports!

Thanks to the many volunteer coaches who keep our youth sports organizations functioning. It is great to have people in our community who will commit to improving our kids’ abilities and sportsmanship!

**This article also appeared in the Argus Leader on March 10, 2014.

Friday Night Tykes: The Dark Side of Youth Football

Photo: Friday Night Tykes (Esquire Network)

According to the National Council of Youth Sports, over 44 million children participate in organized sports leagues throughout the United States. Why are there so many kids involved in youth sporting activities? Youth sports have a proud tradition of providing opportunities for physical exercise, developing coordination, teaching kids about sportsmanship, social skills, and responsibility, and developing relationships while learning to work within a team structure. Healthy lifestyles and positive life lessons have long been hallmarks of youth sports.

The fast-moving world of social media and culture is producing many negatives, and youth sports are unfortunately seeing some of that "dark side' as well. As these young athletes grow older, they dream about attaining a college scholarship and continuing to play sports at the collegiate level. The challenges that come along with this dream create a tremendous amount of pressure for student athletes. The NCAA reports that of the 7 million boys and girls who play sports in high school, fewer than 200,000 will receive a partial or full college scholarship. With football, only 1 in 1,250 high school football players will play in the NFL, and in all sports, 70 percent of children who play organized sports quit playing before they enter high school. (Parenting.org A Shot at the Big Time is a Long Shot)  Sports have become so competitive that those positive lessons are lost early on, and we are driving kids away from their sport and their dreams at an earlier and earlier age.

As if the resulting damage to young athletes isn't bad enough, highlighting the worst behaviors present in youth sports and arguably "celebrating" it should give us all reason to reflect. If you haven't seen the trailer or any episodes of Esquire Network''s new docuseries, 'Friday Night Tykes,' then brace yourself. The show features 8-9 year old boys playing in an elite football league in San Antonio, Texas. This elite league is about winning and winning only. At all costs. These children are exposed to misguided leadership, profanity, troubling and excessive practice techniques, fighting, illegal hits, verbal and physical abuse, and coaches actually encouraging these young players to hurt their opponents.

Check out the trailer here:

As you watch the series, you find a community that is extremely passionate about youth football and is very supportive for the children. As a viewer, you also witness a community that has become obsessed with all the things that are wrong with competition and has completely forgotten about all the things that are good about youth athletics. Parents and coaches have totally lost their mindset that the children’s long-term development is the most important thing. I was truly embarrassed to watch the show and even more upset that a community would allow something like to happen. As parents, we stress the importance of youth sports and try not get wrapped up in the wins and losses, but Friday Night Tykes has gone way past just getting consumed with scores and records. The show exposes and creates an image for all those watching that this is what youth football can and should be like if you want to win.

 This flawed thinking is extremely troubling to those of us who believe in the power of positive development for kids in sports. These are the major issues that I see with Friday Night Tykes:

1) You aren't there to win, you are there to learn. There is no quicker way to take the fun out of youth sports than to make it all about winning. If kids are enjoying the activity, enjoying their time with peers and coaches, and learning skills and sportsmanship, they are going to stay involved. Learning the game and making meaningful contributions to your team can be a lot of fun, and that should always be the emphasis in youth sports. Kids need to learn to be gracious winners and losers. That is a lesson they will carry with them for life.

Photo: Friday Night Tykes (Esquire Network)

2) Even the toughest kids are still kids. We are not doing these athletes any service by telling them to "toughen up" and hide their emotions. Young athletes have to deal with struggles and emotions, and it is our job to help them face their challenges appropriately. Positive reinforcement from supportive parents and coaches will do more to develop "toughness" and resilience in kids than dismissing the real adversity and feelings these athletes face.

3) Maintain focus, but maintain balance. These coaches have lost sight of any type of balance between family, school and football. The coaches in this show have one priority: Winning. Practice, practice, practice. Destroy your opponent. Punish kids for going on family vacation. Basically, the focus on winning destroys the focus on positive development and the essence of sportsmanship. As coaches our goal is to help create well-rounded individuals that can be successful on and off the field.

4) Coaches and parents need to work together. One very scary aspect is that these coaches think they can do no wrong, and the parents do very little to challenge their abusive tactics. These coaches seem to be able to say and do anything they want no matter how morally wrong, demeaning, or devastating it may be to the kids and parents. As parents, we entrust coaches to help lead our children and be mentors to our kids. If the kids see the coaches handling situations with anger and aggression, they will look to handle situations in the same manner. Coaches and parents need to be on the same page about providing a positive experience and atmosphere for young athletes.

If there is any value to Friday Night Tykes, it is that it very clearly shows us what NOT to do when we work with young athletes. While I'm certain people will watch the show, I hope that its era is short-lived. I can't help but think that the millions of coaches, parents, and athletes who know better than this and do better than this every day will have a greater impact on the sport than the skewed 'reality' of Friday Night Tykes.

Being a Better Sports Parent

 

Sitting at a recent basketball tournament for young kids, I witnessed a parent get removed from the gymnasium for constant verbal attacks at the officials. As parents, we often become so engaged in the event that we forget about our most important job: We are role models, and we are trying to teach our kids about much more than wins and losses.

"Ten Things Parents of Athletes Need to Know" is a blog post by Stefanie Mullen that was passed along to me recently by a friend. She gives us 10 simple but important points to consider as we attend sporting events with our children. I felt it was worthwhile to pass along. Many of the points were relevant for all of us who continue to follow our kids all over the country for sporting events.

I thought she made some great points that are solid reminders for parents, and I expanded on the ones that I think need to be repeated often:

1) Remember that sports need to be fun for kids. When it is not fun, then things need to be evaluated. Kids should not play sports because we want them to!
2) Never talk to a coach about your child's play or performance after a game. Emotions are always high after the game, and it's best to let cooler heads prevail. If it is absolutely necessary to meet, then do it at the appropriate time.
3) Your kids are always watching you! Never yell at the officials. Do not ever make a scene that embarrasses your kids. Don't be so wrapped up in winning that you are losing your mind on the sideline. Your most important job is to model sportsmanship, win or lose.
4) Do not coach your child from the stands. One of the worst things you can do is create an environment where your child is always looking up in the stands for guidance or coaching from you. Be a supporter of your child and your coach. Always.
5) Let your kids fail. Some of the greatest lessons and challenges come from a tough loss. Kids need to learn to be gracious winners and losers. It's an incredibly important lesson that they will carry with them forever.

In her blog post, Mullen also encourages athletes to stay fit and active year-round, but not to focus on one sport. I agree that maintaining physical activity is the most important thing, and making sure it is enjoyable for kids is the best way to keep them active. We also need to remember that our kids are not likely to go on to the pros, but they are likely to take the lessons learned on the field or court into their lives. We need to remember our role and support healthy activity and positive relationships with teammates and coaches.


The thing I love about working with kids and sports is that practices and games provide really valuable teaching moments for them. We need to make sure that the lessons they are learning from us are lessons we can be proud of throughout their athletic careers and lives. The most important thing to remember is that we need to be at our best as parents if we expect to see their best as young athletes!

'Changing the Game' for Young Athletes

I enjoy articles and information about youth sports, and a great website with thoughtful information and resources is Changing The Game Project by John O'Sullivan. The site includes his blog with some great topics that parents, coaches and athletes will appreciate. One blog that O'Sullivan recently wrote was titled, Are Your Kids Mentally Weak? He went through five points that should be considered and can be the difference between kids being mentally weak or strong.

1) Struggle is Good--Surround yourself with people who will challenge you.
2) Let them fail--Do not fear failure. Learn from failure.
3) Praise Effort--Do not "over-praise" but praise work effort and the things that will help improve.
4) Strict is a good thing--It will be appreciated in the long run.
5) Stress is good--Learning to deal with stress in sports will lead to lifelong success.

I think that O'Sullivan's points and comments are right on. He does a great job of stressing that with each point, there is a line that parents can push but not cross, and with a thoughtful approach, parents can really help their kids. O'Sullivan talks about letting kids fail, but then is quick to point out that parents and coaches need to make sure that communication is established with kids and explaining that 'failing' is part of athletics which leads to improving, working harder, and learning many valuable lessons. Emotional toughness can be very difficult to instill, and O'Sullivan points out that there will be some struggles and tough times as the athletes and parents work to achieve this. Parents have to be willing to help their kids find the right mentors and coaches that will push their kids in a healthy way and not always pamper their kids.

I would add my own thoughts to O'Sullivan's points:

1) Our staff at Riggs Premier Football is experienced in challenging athletes and working with them through the challenges. Good coaches make a huge difference!
2) We want challenges, and we want to set high goals. Goals are something that we continually strive for, and we will face failure as we try to reach our goals. If the goal is easily attainable, then it will not make the athlete any better. Athletes must experience failure as they strive for their goals, and they must learn how to improve from that failure.
3) Create a mindset that allows athletes know they are doing good things, but don't 'overpraise' them for every little thing. Make sure that athletes know that your praise has a meaning and is not just constant wasted verbiage.
4) Coaches that create discipline are the ones that athletes will remember. They will not like the change at first, because things will not be easy, but it will pay off in the long run. Along with discipline there must be good communication. A coach can create an environment where they have certain standards, but it's important they explain why they have these standards.
5) Do not allow everything to be easy. Athletes need to feel the pressures of different stressors from competition. The stressors that they face in athletics are the same stressors they are going to experience when they are at school and work. Learning to face these types of stress and then overcome them will only make them better.

It is a great reminder that we need to work together to provide a solid, supportive environment in which kids can learn to succeed! That is a lesson parents and coaches should always keep in mind.

Listen Up, Sports Parents!

I recently had a colleague tell me about the article that is circulating in social media from the The PostGame entitled, "What Makes A Nightmare Sports Parent -- And What Makes A Great One."  As I read this article, I could not help but reflect how many times parents would be deemed the “bad parent." Sometimes it takes an outside source and some self-reflection to realize that as much as we are trying to help our kids, sometimes we actually can make things worse.

In the article, Reporter Steve Henson shares the beliefs of Bruce E. Brown and Rob Miller of Proactive Coaching, LLC, who are devoted to helping athletes, coaches and parents. As much as we all hope that we fit the “Five Signs of an Ideal Sports Parent,” there are going to be times that we fall into the “Nightmare” category. We are fiercely loyal and protective of our kids, and we have strong opinions about what is best for them and how they will achieve their potential. Nobody understands them better than we do, right? And parents never intend to make things worse for their children. In fact, the intentions are completely opposite. We always want what is best for our children, but sometimes the way we go about achieving that goal overshadows the overall purpose of athletics.

 Kids who compete know when they have done something great and when they have done something that took away from their performance. Athletes are usually the toughest critics on themselves, and the last thing they want is someone pointing out the mistakes that they are already dwelling on. This totally goes against what parents want, which is the opportunity to teach and correct. Athletes, especially children, are not going to take their parents' dissection of their mistakes as a learning opportunity. As the article states, the worst memory of athletics was, “The ride home from games with my parents.” And I will admit right now that I have been that parent. Countless times, I have tried to point things out from an athletic event that could be easily corrected. Countless times, it has led to a disagreement. I thought to myself, “I am a coach, I can give advice on these things," when in fact, I should have been taking the role of a dad that is fully supportive of my child. There is a time and a place for the learning to occur, but in those times after a tough game, the most important thing we can teach them is that we are their biggest fans, no matter what.

After reading the article, parents have to wonder if they can ever be defined as the “Ideal Sports Parent”? I think any time children have the chance to compete at anything, then parents have a chance to redeem themselves. Just as our kids are learning their sport, we can stand beside them and learn to provide better support. Brown and Miller recommend these ideas for becoming the “Ideal Sports Parent”:

1. Cheer for everybody on the team, not just your child.
2. Model appropriate behavior.
3. Know what is suitable to discuss with the coach.
4. Know your role.
5. Be a good listener and a great encourager.

These are simple tips that we could all bear in mind as we cheer for our favorite athletes. I hope that parents, coaches and athletes will take the time to read the article and think about ways to improve. The reward for our efforts is a solid and supportive relationship with our kids, win or lose, and that is a goal worth shooting for!

Teamwork: Putting it All Together

In order to have a winner, the team must have a feeling of unity; every player must put the team first-ahead of personal glory. -Paul “Bear” Bryant

I have learned a great deal from my conversations with people about the lessons they have taken from football. Many of the kids I heard from told me how much they had learned about playing their position and improving their football technique. The adults were more reflective on things, as you would expect, and I appreciate their insights on the lessons of discipline, determination, humility and respect as important parts of sportsmanship and success in football. The final theme that people discussed was teamwork.

Football is the ultimate of team sports. One football play has so many moving parts and its success is solely reliant on the trust of each guy doing their specific job. Most importantly, football is truly a game of discipline and adversity, and success depends on how both of these are handled. If these two components are taught and learned, not only does success come on a field but it provides a foundation to be successful in all facets of life. --Jed S. 

I was fortunate to attend a high school that constantly preached the team first mentality. My coach was able to get the players to realize that we were not good enough to beat teams with individual talent, and our only hope for success was to play as one unit. Early failures and late success helped our team realize that our coach was right.

Those early experiences helped me understand the greatest part of football is the sense of accomplishment as a team. There are so many people who contribute during a season. It is an awesome feeling when people can see how their contributions are only one facet of the complete workings of a team. When athletes understand that their teammates were working as hard if not harder than they were so that everyone would have the opportunity to reach the team goal, a major step in maturing as an athlete and a person occurs. It is an important lesson for kids to learn that they can achieve much more working together than they ever would working alone.

A critical aspect of working as a team is the ability to do whatever is asked to make the team better: 

To be selfless is the most important thing I've learned about football. It doesn't matter what level you are, or what your involvement is with the team, if you are selfless then you are making the team better. To me, being selfless means so many things. It means as a player you want to do everything you can to make the team better. It means that during the off season you train as hard as you can to be the best player you can be. It means that if you aren't a starter you cheer the team on with a good attitude as if you were in the game. People have to understand that we weren't all created with the same abilities so there could be someone more talented than you. And that's fine because I guarantee there is a place on the team where everyone will succeed. --Chad C.

A team’s success requires individuals that are truly willing to be selfless and sacrifice for the greater good. I have been a part of many great teams and with each of them, the first thing you recognize is that every great team plays as one. Every player and coach accepts his role and buys into the team goals and the team strategy for achieving those goals. Setting egos and individual goals aside is not easy, but the satisfaction that comes from the team effort and experience is well worth it.

Parents and coaches can help kids understand that every position on the field matters, and every kid on the field and on the sidelines contributes to the end result. Help them to see that it takes every single player fulfilling his role in order to find success. Great satisfaction comes not from individual performance, but in caring about their teammates enough to set individual needs aside and trust each other to achieve something bigger than they ever could alone.

Kids who understand the value of working together, sacrificing for the greater good, and winning or losing graciously as a team will have learned one of the most valuable lessons of sportsmanship...and some valuable life lessons as well.

Humility and Respect: Balancing the Talk with the Walk

Over the past few weeks, I have been reflecting on what lessons people have taken from their participation in football. Some of the stories have been funny and encouraging, but not all the lessons have been fun or easy to learn. Respect and humility are two themes that are extremely important to sportsmanship, but fall in the category of “tough to teach” and “tougher to learn.”

Respect for teammates, opponents, officials, and the game itself is a value of sportsmanship that needs to be modeled and practiced by everyone involved in a program. Humility is important to individual athletic development, and it is also the key to becoming a gracious winner or loser and a team’s dynamics.

It was a common theme from people on these two topics that some of the most valuable learning occurs in the moments many of us consider our worst:

This season I was reminded that our kids are hard enough on themselves when they make a “mistake” that they don’t need us as parents to remind them of it during or after the game. As parents, we need to remain positive during all aspects of the season. –Amy U. 

Let the coaches coach, players play, refs ref, fans cheer - all ends well. --Carey Z. 

Attitude has a huge impact on the performance of a player and the team as a whole. In practices and games, a team always plays its best when they stay positive. As parents and coaches, we are a huge influence on that positivity. In both success and failure, learning is always best acquired through encouragement. –Erika S.

Respect begins with a positive attitude and supportive atmosphere. Coaches, players, parents and officials all play a role, and they each need to do their best to fulfill those roles and honor the efforts of others. Respect is something that coaches and programs establish and build over time. I believe this is a step-by-step process and you can not overlook the little things that will help you earn respect. Simple but sincere acts like shaking hands with opponents after a game, cheering on teammates from the sidelines, and hearing positive comments from parents for opponents and officials help to teach respect to young athletes. Remind your kids that respect is not exclusive for the team that wins the most, it is given to those who work hard, show character in all situations, and follow through with their beliefs.

While respect is a tough concept to teach, humility is a tough one to learn. Every game has a winner and a loser, and every athlete will make mistakes at some point in time. Learning to handle those moments with grace and humility is a critical aspect of sportsmanship: 

First game of my last year of high school football, I carried the ball once. I fumbled and never got a chance to carry it again. It would be a few years later when it didn't bother me anymore.

The fumble taught me I'm not going to be good at everything, but the things I can do, I want to do well.   --Craig M 

One of the great challenges of sports is learning to set your ego aside and recognize what is the greater goal for the entire team. That is something I struggled with as an adolescent and find even to this day as a competitor is not an easy task. I was fortunate to have some strong mentors that helped me realize that winning was not always the most important thing and how I handled myself winning or losing as I walked off the field demonstrated more about my character than anything else.

My early years at the University of Sioux Falls were difficult to say the least as I bounced around in positions and sat the bench, but they might have been the most important years of my maturation as an athlete, coach and person. As our team struggled, I watched and learned from Coach Young what it meant to be humble and the importance of putting the team’s goals ahead of all things, even when this was trying to learn lessons from a difficult defeat.

Nobody likes to lose, but in the situations where mistakes occur or a team loses, we have an opportunity to demonstrate individual character. Those situations are only “failures” if we don't learn from them and improve. Coaches and parents are important role models in this area, so speaking favorably of opponents and officials is incredibly important. Helping kids keep emotions under control and support their teammates at all times is also extremely important to their individual development and the team’s atmosphere. We need to model respect in every aspect of the game and humility in winning and losing if we expect our kids to do the same.

The themes of discipline, determination, respect and humility form essential aspects of sportsmanship and success. The final theme that people discussed with me was ‘teamwork”…more to come.

Lessons in Sportsmanship

As the youth football season draws to a close, I am talking to lots of parents about their kids' experiences this season. It is great to hear of their improvements in technique and confidence, and even better when they tell me about things like discipline and teamwork...some of the foundations of sportsmanship.

My views on sportsmanship have greatly evolved over a lifetime of playing and coaching football.  I am highly competitive by nature, so as a kid, I turned everything into a competition, and winning was my main goal.  That included video games, shooting hoops...even spelling tests. Even as I got older, the athlete inside me was very focused on winning or losing, not the greater life lessons I would take from those experiences.  When I was able to become a parent and a fan of this great game, I started seeing and valuing the lessons of sportsmanship in a different way. 

Children have vastly different abilities and mature athletically at different rates.  Keeping them confident and involved is so important as they learn about the game.  Stepping onto the field is a great opportunity, but it needs to be an opportunity to learn about more than just winning or losing.  Kids who are able to walk off the field appreciating the value of competing, working together, sacrificing for the greater good of the team, and winning or losing graciously have learned some valuable life lessons.  I didn’t grasp the importance of those lessons until much later.  As I work more with young athletes, I think it is critical to reinforce the lessons of sportsmanship from the very beginning.

I asked a number of people from all walks of life to tell me about the most valuable lessons they have learned from their involvement in football.  I will be sharing their answers over the next couple of weeks along with my thoughts about how parents and coaches can help instill the values of sportsmanship in young athletes.   I hope you appreciate their answers as much as I did, and I hope you will add your voice to the conversation.

To Win or to Play? The Purpose of Youth Football

One of the most difficult issues I'm asked about comes from parents of very young athletes who are frustrated that their kids are getting minimal playing time compared to other athletes on their football team. It is usually a situation where parents feel their kids have been labeled as "third string" and the coach plays the "first string" athletes considerably more to go for the win.

Parents enroll their kids in youth football because they want a fun, positive, educational experience, and the damage that is done when a 3rd or 4th grade child perceives he is "third string" can make the situation miserable and drive people away from the sport altogether. That situation is all too common, and it completely defeats the purpose of youth football programs.

The goal of youth football should be to:

1.  Provide opportunity:  A youth football program should introduce kids to the basics of the game of football, give kids the opportunity to learn fundamentals and then provide an opportunity to experience game action.

2.  Teach discipline:  Youth football instills basic discipline in kids. They are expected to learn the rules of the game and to understand and develop their role on the team. They will begin to see the importance of a work ethic and meeting expectations when they learn how to function in the practice format and the importance of being on time.

3.  Understand teamwork:  When kids buy into their team, they develop a great sense of responsibility to their teammates. Kids become very excited when they feel they have a role in a situation, and learning how to work together teaches them how to contribute to a larger goal.

I always encourage parents to reach out and communicate with their coaches in these situations. And I encourage coaches to remember to focus on a creating a positive atmosphere for all their young athletes.   Keep in mind that kids practice hard all week, and they only get one game to utilize what they have learned. If they only get one quarter of play in those games, it is very hard for them to demonstrate their developing football skills and feel like they are a meaningful part of the game experience. Getting your young players to love and understand the game so they can enjoy it for years to come is the real way to "win" in youth football.

5 Tips to Being a Great Sports Parent

Now that all area teams and leagues have started their games, it is a good time to offer some reminders to parents on how to best support their young athletes. We want to encourage our kids, and we want them to develop confidence and character that last long after the season ends! These are the five things that I would encourage every parent of a young athlete to remember:

5. Stay Positive

There will be struggles. You will disagree with coaches and other parents at times, and the kids will sometimes make poor decisions and not play well. Your number one job is to encourage your child and other members of the team. Negativity only magnifies a frustrating situation for everyone involved, so keep your comments and your attitude positive.

4. Show Respect

It is hard to expect kids to be respectful of opponents and officials if parents are not being respectful. Parents who emphasize the importance of respect to all—teammates, coaches, opponents and officials—will help instill character in their children. Remember that kids are always paying attention, and we should demonstrate respect and character off the field if we expect it to be displayed on the field.

3. Live Healthy

Youth sports place a high physical demand on young athletes. Parents need to make sure their kids are getting proper nutrition and rest. Use this opportunity to teach your kids about healthy food choices and about “de-stressing” away from the sport. Kids need to find a balance between school and activities, and parents can support healthy choices that energize a child physically and emotionally.

2. Support Your Coach

Parents need to show support for their child’s coach and repeat the things the coach is preaching to their child. Listen to the things the coach suggests players work on outside of practice, and then help your child to do those things! You need to be proactive and supportive of the coach’s beliefs. If you question the coach's philosophy or coaching technique, communicate that privately with the coach…it should never take place in front of the kids. You will have the best experience if you work together to make the experience fun and rewarding. Remember, you are all on the same team when it comes to finding success for these kids! 

1. Relax and Enjoy 

Kids are going to make mistakes and display emotion. It is part of the learning experience in youth sports, and parents who focus too much on winning and perfection are not doing their kids any favors. Young athletes need help understanding how to win and lose with grace. Don’t forget that at the end of the day, they are kids, and they need their confidence intact. Relax and be proud of their efforts!